Coe Writing Center Blog: Everything is Awful and I am NOT Okay: Questions to Ask Yourself Before Giving Up

College students face some of the most unique challenges in today’s society. You've officially abandoned the label of “kid,” yet you're not quite an adult either. Instead, you fall into this weird “in-between” stage where you are not only up against endless possibilities, but also seemingly endless barriers standing between you and success. You’re likely living on your own for the first time, which means you are being exposed to many new “adult” experiences and responsibilities. However, you still have quite a bit of help navigating “the real world.”

The sheer pace of college alone is enough to make many students’ heads spin. If you miss class (for any reason), the course keeps trucking along without you and it can be easy to feel behind. Even if you’ve never missed a lab or lecture, you are likely exhausted by the mere idea of starting your homework or studying for an upcoming test by the time you’ve attended all your classes for the day. Those involved in a sport or club, likely feel even more overwhelmed; the required morning lifts, meetings, practices, games, and events are all activities that require a significant time commitment.

Once you account for other extraneous variables like homesickness, breakups, and sharing a small living space with one or more strangers, the stress of college life can seriously affect your mental health. It is not at all uncommon for students to feel like there simply aren’t enough hours in the day to dedicate their time and energy to all of their wants and needs.

Before you decide to throw in the towel, take a few moments to consult this short list of simple questions intended to refocus your mindset:

Have you eaten anything in the past three hours?

If the answer is no, it might be time to grab a healthy snack. Despite the understandable craving for candy and chips, your body and brain can become inflamed by processed foods and excessive amounts of sugar. This inflammation can contribute to mood disorders, including anxiety and depression. Your body will thank you for opting for an apple, a handful of nuts, or a few pieces of cheese instead.

When was the last time you drank some water?

The answer is probably "too long ago." It's no secret that dehydration can lead to headaches, nausea, dizziness, and fatigue. I highly recommend investing in a water bottle to keep glued to you at all times, but an 8oz glass will work just fine! If you are someone who struggles with drinking enough water, it can also be helpful to cut up a few of your favorite fruits and add them to your water bottle to liven up your H2O. Even a little bit of water can do wonders for the human body, so please, drink up!

Did you get enough sleep last night?

The American Academy of Sleep Medicine recommends that young adults sleep at least 7 hours per night to promote optimal health and functioning. Although the amount of sleep we get is important, good quality sleep is also essential. If you've been lacking in quality and/or duration of sleep, take a quick 30-minute power nap to combat fatigue. You will likely wake up feeling clear-headed, rejuvenated, and ready to take on the rest of the day.

Have you bathed/groomed yourself recently?

If you have not showered in the past 36 hours, turn on the water, clean your body, wash your face, and shampoo your hair. If you're feeling up to it, you can even shave! Once you are nice and clean, brush your hair, cut your nails, or do your skincare routine. These changes might seem insignificant, but they can make a world of difference when it comes to improving your mood or self-esteem.

Are you wearing something other than pajamas?

As tempting as it can be to stay in your PJs all day, putting on a clean shirt and a new pair of pants might inspire you to complete another small task, and perhaps that will encourage you to finish another! After all, everything we do, no matter how complicated, can be broken down into a series of smaller tasks to make the larger goal seem more manageable.

If the answer is yes, ask yourself a follow-up question: How long have you been wearing the clothes you are in? I follow the guideline: "If you've slept in them and/or have been wearing them for longer than 24 hours, it's time to change."

Do you feel unproductive?

Cut your to-do list in half. Being "productive" doesn't mean fitting in and doing as much as possible in a given day. According to research, 80% of desired results are produced by only about 20% of the things you do each day. Take a less-is-more approach to your to-do list by eliminating the things that are not pertinent to the current situation.

I also recommend choosing one or two small tasks you can easily accomplish; finish a homework assignment, do a load of laundry, or make your bed. Even activities that might be considered to have a "minimal effect" on your overall productivity can make you feel more energetic and motivated.

When was the last time you went outside?

A little fresh air might be just the pick-me-up you need. Read a book on the porch, spend some time in your garden, or take a walk around the block. Being outdoors increases the amount of oxygen received by your brain. A properly oxygenated mind increases the level of serotonin it produces, which has been shown in many studies to reduce feelings of stress, anxiety, and depression.

Have you talked to someone else about the situation?

If not, consider calling or meeting with someone you trust. Maybe they'll open your eyes to a new perspective on the situation or perhaps you just need to rant for a while. Either way, talking about your feelings validates that what you are experiencing is real. Your feelings aren't going to magically go away because you decide to ignore them; if you're upset over something, it's because you care about it.

The idea of reaching out to a friend or family member about your troubles can be very uncomfortable for some people. If this is the case for you, it might be helpful to have a conversation with a neutral "third party," such as a school counselor or private therapist. Remember that you are never a "burden" and it is completely okay to talk about the way you are feeling.

Are other people aware of how you're feeling?

Understandably, it can be hard to open up about how you are feeling, especially to a mental health professional you've just met. However, the truth is that sharing what is on your mind can greatly benefit your well-being. Moreover, people can't help you if they don't know what's wrong.

Before sitting down with your partner, a friend, or a therapist, keep the following tips in mind to make it a little easier to express your feelings:

Take some deep breaths to help you gain a sense of calm.

Identify and accept your emotions. Difficult emotions are often complex; take a moment of self-reflection to identify what you are noticing, thinking, or feeling. Once you have done this, give yourself permission to fully experience those thoughts and emotions. You might not even know how you are feeling, and that is okay, too.

Choose the right person to talk to (and the right time to talk to them). When you need to process difficult emotions or experiences, seek out someone who is open, understanding, and empathetic. If you need to process something difficult, it’s a good idea to choose someone who’s open, understanding, and empathetic. The “wrong” listener might be someone who is unwilling or unable to understand, a person who has a tendency to put you down, or someone who (whether intentionally or not) invalidates your feelings.

Trust the process. Like any skill, describing your thoughts and emotions in a constructive way is something that takes practice. It is totally normal to feel anxious or awkward when you first start opening up to people, but the more you lean into these uncomfortable feelings, the easier it will become to talk about them.

Are you exhausted?

If your body is feeling drained of energy, try taking a hot shower or treating yourself to a massage. Brain feeling fried instead? Find a "mindless" activity to engage in; turn on your favorite TV show or listen to music while you fill in a page from a coloring book. If none of these suggestions are your cup of tea, do some experimenting until you find your own effective forms of self-care!

"Self-care" requires making and taking the time to engage in activities that promote well-being while also improving both physical and mental health. Studies have shown that engaging in self-care, whatever that might look like for you, can lower your risk of illness and injury, increase your energy levels, and even help manage stress.

Have you waited a week?

When we experience adversity, it's easy to fall into the thinking trap that "things have always been this way, and are always going to be this way." This is especially true when we encounter a seemingly endless string of difficult events or barriers to success. Although these feelings are valid, they are most often untrue. Short-term emotional responses (such as test anxiety or feeling defeated by a "bad day") usually find a way to work themselves out in about a week or so; but if you are still ruminating on a particular feeling seven days from now, reach out to someone you trust so they can get you the help you need.

Importantly, many mood conditions such as major depression, bipolar, or anxiety disorders involve persistent, long-lasting durations of negative emotions. If you are currently experiencing one or more severe impairments to your mental health and you have not yet sought help, I urge you to look into the following resources: